My horoscopes lately are so crazy.... Here's today's:

"Your chart shows a lot of loving romantic energy today, but there is a bittersweet or sad edge to it. You may just be feeling a bit low, for reasons that have nothing to do with your love life, or you may be missing someone who has gone away for a short time..."

Coincidence??? Maybe...

P S

Random...

I talked to "him" today. Something it seems we never really do lately. (Well...via text anyway...) We've both come to the conclusion that our lives are going in different directions. We spend less time together & don't talk as much as we used to. I just sensed something...different. & I had to talk to him about it to see where his head was at. There are some things that I just can't bear the thought of anymore. Main one being, the constant wondering & the questions I keep asking myself. I guess I needed him to confirm what I already knew deep down. Some sort of...closure. We'll still remain friends of course & he'll always hold a special place in my heart. We have some really great memories together. I'd rather walk away from the situation with our friendship still intact, then with a cold heart & bitter feelings...

This was my horoscope for today. I found it funny so I thought I would share...

"Your love life is undergoing a metamorphosis that can have a great impact on your self-esteem. Your emotions are very intense now, but something isn't quite right. As much as you try to ignore the little things that could get in the way of more crucial concerns, there's a larger problem that might not be so easy to escape. Your determination to feel better about yourself can motivate you to find a way through this transformational period."

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I work in an office & in the dept I work in, we're all pretty close. Good friends; we've hung out outside of work. But if there's one thing I've noticed about working in a predominantly female atmosphere, is how absolutely catty some women can be. All smiles to your face but the minute you turn your back, they're flapping their jaws about you. I try to remain neutral. Don't get me wrong. There are some people I don't really care for & since I feel that way, I keep my distance & maintain a professional attitude. I try very hard NOT to fall into the category of people who are "two-faced", as I call it. I can't stand it. It makes me wonder what they might be saying behind MY back whenever I leave the room...

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I have so many things running thru my mind lately. I go to work & the day pretty much passes by me in a blur. Before I know it, I've worked more hours than I can count on my fingers & all I can think of at that point is my bed. I don't feel the same inside... Aside from a few tears I shed this morning during my conversation with "him", I've been numb. Not being able to be much of anything. Why am I feeling this way?... Now that's a post for another day... Tommorrow, even...

| P S |

Love or lust???

Has someone ever given you that butterfly feeling? The one where you can't eat anything because your stomach gets in knots whenever you come into close contact with that person no matter how many times you see them.??? That silly smile won't leave your face & you can't help but feel like you're on the verge on passing out???.... Ahhh well..... There has been one man in my life so far that has made me feel this way. Sadly, I don't think we will ever be together again.... Not as a couple anyway...

He is what you would call, a "ladies man". I don't think he'll ever be able to commit to just one person. His need to feel wanted by the opposite sex consumes him. Don't get me wrong.... He's a wonderful person. Sweet, kind, selfless, passionate, hardworking, driven... Yet his inability to stay.....faithful (???) will be one of his downfalls if he doesn't come to his senses.

What I'm beginning to realize about myself tho is that if I do not let him go, I am going to just make myself miserable. =/ We have remained friends even after being involved with one another for awhile. & although there is a mutual understanding of where we both stand with each other, it has done nothing to help me get over him & let go of my deep feelings for him. We fell somewhere between friends & being a couple after we broke up. (Get it?) But that seems to be coming to a halt & now all I'm left with are my feelings.... Feelings I wish I could just gather up & put through a shredder.

There's obviously more to the story & I'm probably being very vague about the situation but that sums it up... It gets a little easier everyday to deal with... Out of sight, out of mind??? NO....Not in my case.... Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with the feelings he gave me & haven't been able to let go of them since. So instead, I'm adjusting & taking from the experience, all that I've learned about myself & what he has taught me without realizing it.

Love??? Lust??? I don't really know... I'll just leave it as 'complicated'....for now....

| P S |

2008...

This year got off to a weird start... My life has already began it's transformation. Some friendships have begun to slowly fade into the background, new people have made their way into my life, & I'm learning something about myself that both makes me proud, yet scares me at the same time.

I know change can be a good thing & in my case, it is a VERY good thing. It's the wondering that always kills me. Constantly analyzing everything that occurs around me, every word that is said to me in certain tones & trying to figure people out.

It will be a miracle if I somehow manage to maintain my sanity throughtout it all...LOL (*sigh*)

| P S |