Untitled... (poem)

I see you in my dreams
I can never see your face clearly
I don't know your name because
well...
We never got the chance to meet

I know you're wondering why is that
& that's probably why you come to me in my dreams

I wake up with a sense of missing you
Night after night
Tear-stained pillows remind me of sleepless nights

Sadness creeps in when I realize that the only time I'll ever get to see you
Is in my dreams
In my thoughts
Where I can hold you in my arms
& pretend you never left me

I can barely see right now as I write this
There's a knot in my throat
The pain in my heart will never go away
I never wanted to say goodbye
Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do

But I know you're in a better place now
& whenever I miss you
I know just where to find you

In my dreams
In my thoughts
Where I can hold you in my arms...

| P S |

Party like it's 1983...

It was a very good weekend that began on Thurs nite for me...(lol) Partying with the Sigma's @ Finnegan's & going to work Friday morning, feelin like I had gotten just one hour of sleep. That day felt like such a long one. Went home & took a nap. One of my girl friend's then hit me up later that nite, inviting me to go out with her & some guy friends of her's that were visiting from out of town. So we decided to hit up this club called, Elements, which is hot. They have 6 VIP rooms, each representing an element. These guys decided to get VIP & we wound up in the Earth element which was a room, highlighted with green lights & white velvety seat's. They ordered two bottles; Hennessey & Grey Goose. We had our own waitress who made our drinks & also brought us anything we wanted from the bar. Overall, it was a really good nite. I had a lot of fun & it felt good to have the luxury of not having to pay for anything that nite. (lol) Saturday, I went to see Saw V... Won't ruin it for anyone who read's this & hasn't watched it.

After 2 nites in a row of partying, my body needed a break so I just took it easy today & just enjoyed the day. My roommate & I always get these crazy ideas to take silly pictures or make stupid video's whenever we're havin a few drinks in the house. I was laughing so hard, I seriously thought I was gonna have an asthma attack...(lol)

But it's back to work tomorrow for me so i'm gonna kick back & enjoy my "me time" while I have it... Till tomorrow...

P S

Memories...

I have to admit... Catching up with old friends is the best. Sharing memories from high school are the highlight. The years when you're trying to figure out who you are, having crushes &/or being crushed on, being rebellious & skipping class every now & then, writing letters & passing them during class like it was your job...lol. Ahhh...gotta miss it...

Ok so maybe those are things that I did. (lol) It was still a crazy, roller coaster ride of 4 years for me. Not only was I dealing with family issues & the stresses of homework & teachers but I also had the boyfriend issues. One in particular that I'll always remember. The only Caucasian male I've ever dated. (At least so far in my lifetime.) We've recently got in touch again & have been talking for almost 2 months now & finding out that so much as changed since high school. In a good way, thankfully...

Of course we've been doin the whole reminiscing thing & it's cute... He's cute... He thinks I'm still cute... We've made plans to see each other again, do dinner, drinks & just enjoy each other's company. There's of course that unspoken, "should we make up for lost time" question that's lingering between us. I know this based on our most recent conversations...

I can't help but feel excited tho. It's always nice to see an old friend, especially one that takes up a lot of my good memories. I'm known for thinkin with my heart & not my mind but I've gotten better with being more realistic when it comes to certain ppl & things...

But just this once, I'll allow myself to reminisce & smile for no reason & feel like the giddy high school girl I used to feel like years ago...

| P S |

A Year Ago Today... (Poem)

A year ago today you looked at me & promised it would happen in due time. I wanted to believe you. As much as my heart told me that there was no truth in your words, I was captivated by the way you spoke to me & the warmth in your eyes. Whenever I was around you, all I wanted to do was wrap myself around you. Perfect synchronization in the bedroom is what kept our passion for one another, alive. Promises of a better tomorrow are what kept me waiting. Waiting for the day you would claim me & I could absorb every bit of you, every day, for as long as we could make it last. The minute you would leave my side, it seemed reality would come crashing down around me.

I tried to ignore it. But I might as well have found a random number in your coat pocket with the way you were so blatant about your love for women. One was never enough. What was it?, I would wonder. What else have I not given you that SHE already has? I kept telling myself that it didn't matter. Tried to make excuses for your behaviors & find reasons to justify your actions. It didn't help nor make it any better.

Late night phone calls. Disappearing at odd times of the night. I would even watch as you would oh so casually kiss your “friends” on the cheek & then whisper something quickly in their ear as you so often would do to me. And then I would watch that same smile creep across their faces & know in my heart, it was all a game to you. A man who couldn't keep his hands out of the cookie jar, your words lacked sincerity. It was then that I knew I couldn't continue to be blind to the obvious. My love for you had become a joke.

A year ago today, I let you go & closed the door on my hopes & dreams of a future with you. Trust would not come easy to me in the days to come & honesty would become a thing of the past. You've changed me. I'm the female version of you now. And every now & then, one of my “friends” finds that random number in my coat pocket & has to ask himself whether he should stay...or go....

| P S |