Sweet dreams are made of these…
Lately, maybe within the past couple months, I wake up remembering my dreams like I actually lived them. I remember them so vividly, its crazy. They say when you remember your dreams that it helps you come to terms with stressful aspects of your life & you learn more about yourself, your aspirations, and your desires through your dreams. It also says that learning to recall your dreams helps you become a more assertive, confident and stronger person.
I’m not sure that I want to remember my dreams though. “/ They’re more like nightmares, in which case, I hate remembering them because that negative vibe stays with me for awhile. For instance, last night, I dreamt that I was at a college & I was with my mother. No clue why. We started walking to the school & when I got to the building, I realized I was barefoot. So I told my mother to meet me in class while I ran back to the car & got my shoes. Mind you, as I’m walking to the car, I’m pushing a stroller….with no baby in it. O_o To top it off, as I’m walking back to the building, I see an old h.s. friend of mine, Amber & she was with someone I didn’t recognize. Why she was in my dream is beyond me because I rarely speak to her…lol
So I get back inside of the building & I cant find my mother. The hallways are really darkly lit & I felt like I was in an abandoned building because there was no one around & almost every door I went to was locked or no one was in it. Apparently I had to get to class because I had a test so I was starting to freak out because I didnt want to be late. But with every turn I took down a hallway or the stairs, it seemed like I ended up at the same place. & then I woke up……
What all of that means, I have no clue. Your dreams allow you to glimpse into your subconscious. But what exactly its trying to tell me, I dont know. Or maybe I’m not really deciphering the meaning. Either way, my dreams, or nightmares, are really starting to bother me. Maybe if I practice meditation, I’ll sleep better & the nightmares will cease. One can hope…
I’m not sure that I want to remember my dreams though. “/ They’re more like nightmares, in which case, I hate remembering them because that negative vibe stays with me for awhile. For instance, last night, I dreamt that I was at a college & I was with my mother. No clue why. We started walking to the school & when I got to the building, I realized I was barefoot. So I told my mother to meet me in class while I ran back to the car & got my shoes. Mind you, as I’m walking to the car, I’m pushing a stroller….with no baby in it. O_o To top it off, as I’m walking back to the building, I see an old h.s. friend of mine, Amber & she was with someone I didn’t recognize. Why she was in my dream is beyond me because I rarely speak to her…lol
So I get back inside of the building & I cant find my mother. The hallways are really darkly lit & I felt like I was in an abandoned building because there was no one around & almost every door I went to was locked or no one was in it. Apparently I had to get to class because I had a test so I was starting to freak out because I didnt want to be late. But with every turn I took down a hallway or the stairs, it seemed like I ended up at the same place. & then I woke up……
What all of that means, I have no clue. Your dreams allow you to glimpse into your subconscious. But what exactly its trying to tell me, I dont know. Or maybe I’m not really deciphering the meaning. Either way, my dreams, or nightmares, are really starting to bother me. Maybe if I practice meditation, I’ll sleep better & the nightmares will cease. One can hope…
6.13.11
Journey towards a healthier me…
Losing weight is something that has always been in my mind. My problem has been that I’ve always viewed exercising & eating healthier as a chore & I would lose interest in it because…quite frankly…I’ve always hated exercising. But over the course of the past couple years & especially after having my daughter, I realized that I can’t continue being this way.
By this way, I mean always making jokes about myself in order to cover up how I really feel. Always getting upset because buying clothes is a chore in itself, especially trying to find things that fit & look right on me. Always feeling inferior to other women because I don’t feel as beautiful. Time has helped me to love myself regardless of my weight but in those few moments when my weight is a roadblock, that’s when I look in the mirror…….
There are a number of reasons why I want to lose the excess weight. My self-esteem being a huge one but also because being healthier IS the wisest choice. I want to live a long & healthy life, not just for me, but for my daughter as well. I want to be a positive example for her & show her that eating healthy & exercising isn’t a chore. It’s a lifestyle change. & one that I want to be proud of.
I have a long way to go to achieve my desired weight. & I think that part of the problem before was that I expected results sooner than later. But I know that by setting small goals for myself, I will ultimately reach my main goal.
This is for my daughter….for ME… I’m ready, let’s go….
5.31.11
Music soothes my soul...
This past weekend I went to a jazz show & it was my 1st time going to one. Enjoyed it very much & definitely look forward to attending more shows like that. It was run by Organix Soul & they did a good job. One of the guys I really enjoyed; his name is Heshima Moja. ( http://www.myspace.com/heshimaiam ) Let me tell you…this man has an amazing voice. Never judge a book by it’s cover because it’s beauty is on the inside. Already a fan & my favorite song so far is called “Beautiful”. Definitely worth taking a listen to. There were also a couple of poets there who did their spoken word thing which I LOVED because I’ve always been a fan of that & never had the chance to actually see someone do it live…
Having gone to the show, gave me inspiration to want to pursue something in music. It’s a tough industry & because I don’t have that confidence in myself, I never really pursued anything as far as my singing goes. I’m very shy & just the thought of standing up in front of a crowd of people, makes me nervous. I’m very critical of myself & I know that I still need some strengthening of my voice. No one is perfect but when it comes to singing, if you don’t know how to hit your notes, critics will rip you apart. Not something I think I can handle. I’ve thought of maybe doing some songwriting which I might actually still do. But even that is tough; getting your work out to people & trying to see if you can make something of it…
Music has always been a love of mine. No matter what emotion you’re feeling, there’s a song out there that has the right words to say how you feel. It’s a feeling that can only be explained…through music…
5.27.11
Here Comes The Bride…
Well…I’m married…lol. 20 days ago, I pledged vows to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. It still sounds so funny saying “my husband”… Some people find it cute & funny that I hesitate over the word… But I got what I’ve always dreamed of; a family of my own… : ) Living together for a period of time, you start to feel like you’re already married. Actually doing it, just made it legal & finalized.
I was a ball of nerves that day… The anticipation kept building as the hours counted down & I started to get myself ready… My maid of honor was amazing & I couldn’t have picked a better person. She was on top of everything & helped me maintain my cool….till I got to the church & saw everyone arriving. Then the nervousness set in. When I was walking down the aisle, my hands were shaking so bad. I remember my stepfather kept telling me to relax but the harder I tried to control it, the harder my hands shook…lol.
Wasn’t much better when it came time for the first dance. I started crying! LMAO! I just couldn’t handle how bad my nerves would get because everyone was watching us. I’m not one for being in the spotlight so my emotions were on a rollercoaster ride that day…lol. I would do it all again though if I had to. One of the most memorable days of my life that I never will forget. All our attendants looked amazing, everyone enjoyed themselves & it made us so happy to see some of our family & friends who traveled a distance to be there.
One moment I will always remember is when I was walking down the aisle, I couldn’t see my husband at the altar with everyone standing up. I was on the verge of hyperventilating from my nerves (lol) but the moment I saw my white knight, the tears came. From high school that we dated to losing touch over the years to finding each other again on Facebook, 10 years later, we had arrived at our wedding day.
I can honestly say that I am truly happy. Not only did I find a man who is amazing for me but he is an amazing father who adores his two little girls. & to top it all off, he is my best friend. Communication is so important in a relationship & I can honestly say, that we ace that area. Something that I have always lacked in previous relationships.
So the next chapter of my life has begun & I look forward to creating many happy memories with my husband… <3
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