I'm sooooo tired. & I have been for the past few nites. I toss & turn. I have these crazy ass dreams of people hunting me down & trying to kill me. My dreams make no sense but then again, when do they? Yes, I watch horror movies & I love gore & all that good dark stuff but I haven't watched anything lately that could send me into sleep, having nightmares. It's frustrating & to top it off, lately, I haven't been writing anything that I feel is worth posting. I'm going into a writer's depression here...(lol)
Aside from that though... I guess I'm ok. No major drama. Still have the headaches of tryin to keep my head above water & dealing with my mother's nagging. But I've come to terms with that. I deal with it by working my tail off until, hopefully, somethin gives with this crazy economy.
Guy drama? Nope, don't have any. Which I guess is a good thing. Do I miss the companionship? Yes. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Don't get it twisted. I talk to a couple guys but nothin has come of it & I doubt anything will.
It's funny tho because I came into this year with a positive outlook. I said, '2008 is gonna be my year.'.......... It definitely brought a lot to the table...(lol). I had to learn a lot about men, about myself & what is it I really want out of my relations with people. The year is coming to a close now & I feel......at peace with myself. It's weird. But it feels good. I always had that feeling of not wanting to feel alone. So I was always settling. Settling for men who couldn't or wouldn't commit. Only offering me their bodies & not their hearts.
So will I say this New Year's Eve, that 2009 is gonna be a better year? Yea...(lol) Of course, there will probably be some of the same ole' same. But if I stopped striving for better with each passing year, I just wouldn't be ME...
P S
2 comments:
all you have to do is stzay focused and not settle. you kow what you want. so you should go after it. don't rush things! i said it before. i'll say it again. don't rush things. take your time. if they don't want to wait, they are not worth it.
i think that all of us struggle in some way or another to just stay focused and strive for better... we become lazy, i know i do. I becoms a prcoess, having to constantly work hard and keep yourself afloat, content and then we also wanna be ahppy, fall in love and all those things...
hmmm...
i think you're doing a good job. don't be scared to talk to those who care about, i'm sure you're not, but i'm just saying :-)
the writers block thing... something great will pop into ur head and you'll just write again... and it will be over, thats what happened to me :-)
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